The Chronicles of Firewhiskey
by Mistress Serethiel
Summary: A series of ficlets about various characters in different time periods. All have the theme of Firewhiskey. AU
1. Lupin

Sirius was getting impatient. Moony was never late! Sighing he got up; he'd have to get Harry himself. He opened the door and stumbled over a body lying across the doorway. Swearing he picked himself up and took another look at the man, unconscious, on the floor.

"Moony!"

Remus rolled over and groaned as Sirius carried his friend back into the house.

"Moony wake up!" he insisted, "Fine my wand is forced. Aguementi!"

"Arrgh. Padfoot!"

"Glad to know you're alive. Two questions; why were you passed out on the door-step and why are you semi-naked?" Sirius asked passing Remus a glass of water.

"Ow, my head. All I remember is going out with Tonks…"

"Well that would explain the naked part," muttered Sirius and his friend glared at him.

"Arrgh! The evil eyebrow raising of doom, have mercy!"

"Anyway… I also remember imbibing vast amounts of alcohol," finished Remus.

"English?"

"I drank too much Fire whiskey Padfoot," sighed the werewolf.

They were interrupted by Harry bursting through the door holding some blue material that, to Remus, seemed very familiar.

"Padfoot! Moony! Look what I found," Harry panted looking very pale.

"What is it, pup?" asked his Godfather

"This," Harry unfurled the cloth, "It's Tonks' t-shirt!"

Sirius groaned, "Not good," whilst Remus repeatedly hit his head against the wall saying

"Fire whiskey is bad," over and over again.


	2. Hermione

Hermione woke up to a blinding headache and a horrible nauseas feeling. Her brain assembled itself and came up with two questions: where am I and where are my clothes? Frantically she sat up pulling the cloak she had been using a blanket, tight around her. The red and gold drapes told her she was still in Gryffindor territory. Understanding dawned

"Oh no no no. This is bad!"

Hermione was in the 6th year boys' dorm in her **underwear.**

'Never again,' she silently vowed, 'will I drink Firewhiskey with those idiots,'

Punishment later, first she had to get out before anyone saw her. Easier said than done. Her robes were on the other side of the room; all she had to do was get there. She was halfway across the dorm when Ron woke up and saw her.

"Arrgh! Lethifold!"

Hermione sighed. Yes she was wearing a black cloak but **really. **She was saved the embarrassment of shutting Ron up as Harry hit him with a silencer. Just as she reached the door and was about to pull on her clothes, Professor McGonagall burst through the door, muttering under her breath about late night parties.

After slipping quietly behind her teacher, Hermione ran as fast as she could back to her dorm and dressed. None of the other girls were there and she didn't really want to know. By now, the adrenalin had worn off and the aftermath of the alcohol caught up with her.

Smiling psychotically Hermione walked, wand in hand, down to the common room. When Professor McGonagall came down from the boys' dorms she found an immovable message etched above the fireplace.

'Firewhiskey is bad!'


	3. The teachers

It was the second to last day of term and in the staff room the teachers were celebrating.

Why?

Because Fred and George were leaving.

"Finally we're free!" laughed Professor McGonagall dancing around the table. The rest of the teachers were thinking along the same lines. In a rare display of camaraderie Snape conjured up bottles of beer and Firewhiskey and so, soon everyone was drunk. This was how Albus Dumbledore found them. Where as most were unconscious, two people caught his eye: Severus and Minerva. Severus, like most, had fallen asleep but his face was covered in lipstick kisses and there was a rare contented look to him, Albus quickly took a photo. Minerva however was still awake albeit too drunk to walk properly. Her bloodshot eyes focused on Albus and she staggered over to him.

"Albus," she slurred, "I've waited a long time to tell you this. I think you're pretty!"

"Of course you do," he replied kindly, "Now let's get you back to your office,"

How he was going to do that he had no idea. Minerva had many protective wards around her so merely levitating her was impossible as was any other form of magic. Sighing in defeat Albus picked up his Deputy Head and carried her bridal style to the door. All the students would be asleep by now anyway. However waiting at the bottom of the stairs, suitably disguised, were Fred and George plus a very familiar camera.

With a flash their fates were sealed.

The next day Minerva came down to the Great Hall to find a very unusual banner behind the Head's table. It showed her being carried by the Headmaster. She groaned then walked indifferent to her seat glaring at anyone who looked at her. The next year a new school rule was made:

Anyone found taking pictures of staff without permission will be punished.


	4. Snape

At the Christmas Staff party Severus decided, for once, to be sociable. This resulted in him becoming very drunk. Albus and Minerva, as of yet only tipsy, found this hilarious and began transforming his clothes. In the end he was left wearing lurid pink robes, a tutu and fairy wings. As a result of a drunken truth or dare his was also covered in lipstick kisses. Eventually, Severus decided to go back to the dungeons.

In the corridor he met a startled Colin Creevey holding a very large camera. He smiled and carried on, not noticing the young boy racing up to Gryffindor Tower clutching a photograph.

"Harry!" the shout echoed around the common room.

"What now Colin?" sighed Harry

"This," Colin pushed the photograph into his hands.

Harry looked down and began laughing manically. Curious, Ron and Hermione peered over his shoulder and snorted. After a while Harry calmed down, unlike the rest of the Golden Trio who were still in hysterics.

"Colin, can you make **lots **of copies please?"

"Yes sir, of course,"

Harry turned to his friends who were still manic.

"Ron?" Ron took no notice, "Okay second thoughts, Ginny?"

"Yes?" Ginny blushed at being noticed by the Great Harry Potter.

"Where are Fred and George?"

"They're in their dorm,"

Ginny was disappointed that Harry wasn't talking about her. Ron snapped out of his daze and went off to find his twin brothers.

The next day in Potions the class was unusually quiet. O the bell, Snape stormed into the room his hangover evident. As one, the students took a deep breath and Hermione released the concealment charm. A massive mural of the tutu clad Snape beamed down from the walls causing everyone to roll in hysterics including the Slytherins. Snape opened his mouth to roar as a howler appeared on his desk and burst with the combined voices of Sirius and Remus.

"Good god Snivellus, nice outfit we'd never have guessed,"

The howler carried on and Snape sat down inwardly weeping at his humiliation and vowed never again to drink Firewhiskey.


	5. Draco

Hermione paced around the Common Room wondering where the Head Boy was. Draco was never usually this late. It had been a good year so far and even if Harry and Ron still hated him, she didn't. After just spending time with him, she had realised he wasn't that bad. Truth be told she could even admit to a slight crush.

The portrait hole swung open and Draco staggered through, collapsing on the blue carpet. Hermione ran over, pulling the blonde half upright.

"Draco! Draco, what's wrong?"

Lifting his head, Draco looked at Hermione with bloodshot eyes, grinning widely.

"You're drunk!" Hermione almost dropped him in disgust.

Sighing, she lifted Draco up in a Fireman's lift and began walking up to his dorm. Stopping at his bedroom door, Hermione waited for it to open.

It didn't.

Hermione willed it open, most of the Head' accommodation was thought activated.

Still nothing.

Then she remembered, she couldn't go into Draco's room. That meant… he would have to stay in her dorm. Groaning, Hermione shouldered her burden and began to walk up to her dorm. The door swung open and she unceremoniously dumped Draco onto her bed. Bracing herself she pulled off his robes and shirt, determinedly not looking and pulled the coverlet over him.

"I love you, 'Mione,"

Draco's voice startled her and she replied unthinkingly,

"I love you too, Draco," and settled down to sleep on the couch.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Arrrrrgh!"

Hearing the shout, Hermione jerked awake, grabbing her wand.

"What am I doing here?"

Draco was sat up in bed, clutching the covers around him, staring around.

"You passed out Draco. I couldn't get into your room so I brought you here. I'll leave you to dress,"

Hermione walked out of the room and a few minutes later Draco followed. They faced each other and said together,

"Did you mean it?"

They both blushed nodding their answer.

Clasping hands, they walked down to the Great Hall, greatly shocking the occupants. With a quick kiss the sat at their respective tables and tried to explain to their friends.


	6. The Marauders

Prongs was depressed, yet again being rejected by his Lily-flower. Padfoot crept into the Common Room and slipped a few shots of Firewhiskey into the punchbowl.

This ought to be fun.

Lily stormed into the Common Room, seething, throwing her books onto a nearby table. She sank into her favourite chair reaching over for her essay. She couldn't concentrate- stupid Potter; she couldn't give in now no matter how much she wanted to. Not that she did.

Sighing she stood up, walking over to the punchbowl, casting a quick spell to check for love potions. Lily had known Potter to sink so low before. The last time, however, had been hilarious. Lily had fallen in love with Remus and Black with an extremely shocked Potter, until Professor Slughorn had stopped laughing long enough to brew an antidote. Finding nothing, she filled a cup and drank deeply, it tasted slightly different, but nicer somehow, and soon used cups littered the room.

When James came through the portrait hole that was how he found Lily. Instead of doing something stupid the mature part of him took over and he wrapped his cloak around Lily and went upstairs to find out which idiot had spiked the punch .

Lily woke up feeling very uncomfortable, she opened her eyes and groaned as she found herself in the Common Room. But instead of her usual desk she was covered in a cloak. She found the label and gasped in shock as she read it; Potter- maybe he wasn't that bad.

In the Great Hall when she approached him, he looked very angry.

"You okay Lils?" he glared at Sirius who had a black eye. Lily didn't bother to correct him on her least favourite nickname.

"I'm fine. Thanks Potter," she handed him back his cloak and took a deep breath.

"Look, as a token of thanks, I'll go to Hogsmeade with you, James,"

"Really?" James was almost hopping on the spot in excitement.

"Yes, again thanks,"

Lily sat down next to James and Remus leaned over to speak.

"Are you sure you're over the Firewhiskey?"

At this James glared at Sirius who looked away sheepishly whilst Lily screamed along the Gryffindor table,

"What Firewhiskey?"


	7. Ginny

-1Fred and George, following in the footsteps of Sirius, spiked the drinks supply in the Common Room. After and cup and a half of punch, Hermione disappeared, giggling about a 'silver dragon'.

Harry, who on the advice of Remus, never drank from anything in the Common Room, was watching his friends with interest. He was one of the three people who actually knew the identity of 'silver dragon' and so didn't try to follow Hermione, knowing that after seeing her state her beau would take her to the Room of Requirement.

As Ron began to walk away with Lavender, he thought he should interfere, but someone else caught his eye. Ginny was stumbling drunkenly about, tripping over chairs. Bumping into a table she fell and landed awkwardly, her head in Harry's lap.

Harry flushed at his compromising position and carefully slid out from underneath his best friend's sister. Unsteadily Ginny stood up and began struggling out of her robe, yelling,

"Strip! Strip!"

Quickly Harry retrieved his invisibility cloak from hi school bag, and pulling Ginny along by the arm, fled the Common Room. Once out of the portrait hole, Harry picked Ginny, placing her over his shoulder and pulled the cloak over his head. Immediately Ginny calmed down, nuzzling her head into Harry's neck.

Harry quickened his pace and reached the Room of Requirement in record time and without event. Quietly he pushed open the door, smiling when he saw Hermione asleep on a bed, her 'silver dragon' in the same state, his head on her bed. Slipping off the cloak Harry tucked Ginny into the second bed, then collapsed into a nearby armchair.

Late next morning, Harry woke up to find that Hermione had gone with her 'friend' but Ginny had not. Reluctantly he woke her,

"Where am I?"

"You're in the Room of Requirement. You really don't want to know why. I've got to go, bye!"

Harry scuttled out of the room only to run into Ron.

"What did you do to Ginny?" he demanded

"Nothing!"

All day Harry repeated his answer but no-one believed him and maybe neither he or Ginny wanted to either.

A/N) I apologise for repeating the same chapter but I have a new computer and it is taking me a while to figure out. Thanks to Cuban Sombrero Girl for all your reviews, 246 people have read this fic but I only have 3 reviewers! Virtual cookies for anyone who can guess the identity of 'silver dragon'.


	8. Lucius Malfoy and Death Eaters

-1Disclaimer : I own nothing except my notebook and pen.

After the Triwizard Tournament, even though Harry had escaped, the Death Eaters celebrated. Their Lord was back and they could finally purge the wizarding world of the impure. Lucius Malfoy handed out a bottle of Firewhiskey each and soon everyone was too drunk to even remember their own names.

In his heightened euphoria, Lucius Malfoy decided to speak his mind, even if it had dire consequences. Approaching his master he tried to tactfully phrase what he was about to say. He failed.

"My Lord," he drawled, bowing and almost falling over, "The others and I were wondering, whether or not, you could change the Dark Mark into, you know, something more attractive?"

The last remaining sober part of Lucius cowered at what he had just said and waited for the punishment he was sure would follow. Even in their happy drunk state the other Death Eaters felt the change in the atmosphere and fell silent. With a slight rustling of his cloak, Lord Voldermort turned to face Lucius who, knowing his end was near, ploughed on.

"I mean, something like a heart with 'mum' on it would do. Or even 'Vol' if you're picky, My Lord,"

The cat like pupils of Voldemort's eyes narrowed more than was humanly, or inhumanly, possible. Beckoning Lucius, he retreated into the shadows and, shaking in fear, Voldemort's right hand man followed. Soon after his ear piercing shrieks echoed around the graveyard. However, Lucius emerged seemingly unscathed, though whimpering and clutching at his arm.

He would not let anyone see his arm but after a while relented, also having received many promises that no-one would laugh, he showed them his arm. It simply said; I Love Snape.

It was true no-one laughed, they roared.

A few days later Lucius Malfoy joined the W.A.A, the Wizarding Alcohols Anonymous and took an oath never to drink Firewhiskey again, well, at least not in the company of his Lord.

A/N:

Virtual cookies for

Cuban Sombrero Gal

Estel A Duath

And Eruthiel for guessing the identity of Silver Dragon. I wont say who he is because it will ruin it for other people. But well done!

Sorry I haven't updated in a while but I had exams. All ideas for new characters to torture are welcome!


	9. MadEye

-1Disclaimer: I own nothing except a sick sense of humour.

A/N: I know I haven't written in ages but I've been _very_ busy. You should all thank Eruthiel for bugging the hell out of me to update.

1.…2.…3.… THANK YOU ERUTHIEL!!!

Alastor Moody was staying with Remus Lupin in the interests if his safety. The most prominent of the Death Eaters he had imprisoned had escaped and were now searching for him for revenge.

He had been staying in the cottage for two weeks when the doorbell rang late one evening. He limped over, his magical eye finding no threat behind the charmed door. Pulling it open he took a step back in surprise.

Standing in the doorway was Auror Tonks, but not how he was used to seeing her. Her hair, a subdued chestnut brown, lay mid-way down her back and she was wearing a blue strapped dress. She smiled weakly as Moody showed her in, obviously nervous, not at all like her usual bubbly self.

"Is Lu- Remus ready?" she asked shyly.

Before Moody could answer Lupin came running down the stairs and gasped when her saw Tonks. Without saying anything they walked out, hand in hand ; their conversation muffled as they walked down into the town.

Moody shook his head, clearing it of the image of Tonks. A stiff drink, he decided, was needed to steady his nerves. Searching through the cupboards he found a dusty bottle of Odgen's Firewhiskey. Wiping it down he broke the seal, gulping down a mouthful of the strong liquor. He gagged as it struck the back of his throat but he drank another, and then another. An hour or so later the empty bottle rolled away across the kitchen floor.

A quiet click indicated that Remus and Tonks had arrived home but nothing had prepared them for the sight inside. They crept through the front room quickly, trying not to disturb the silence that seemed to coat the house but it shattered when Tonks opened the kitchen door,

Loud music blared into the silence causing both Remus and Tonks to cover their ears. With her Auror training Tonks recovered first, sending a strong silencer at the radio. An indignant squawk of protest caused them both to spin around, and Tonks to weakly fall back against Remus. Standing o the table, paused in what seemed to be a tribal dance, was Mad-Eyed Moody.

Unable to speak, both Remus and Tonks backed out of the kitchen slowly until they tripped over the couch and began laughing. They laughed until tears streamed out of their eyes and the music started up again. A wonderful idea hit Tonks ,obviously at the same time as Remus.

"I'll get the camera," she whispered, "If you call the Order,"

Remus nodded and ran towards the fireplace as Tonks raced upstairs. He through a generous handful in calling out his destination and stuck his head in.

"Albus ?" he called, "You and the others are going to want to see this,"

Mad-Eyed Moody woke up late the next morning, his sight bleary, and his head pounding. He staggered over to the sink, pouring a glass of water, and was about to head upstairs to find a Headache Potion when a photograph on the notice board caught his eye. He pulled it down and stared unbelievingly at it than groaned as he realised what he must have done last night. He looked closer at the picture and shouted when he saw that almost all of the Order were also in the frame.

He turned it over and saw a simple message on the back

"_There's more where this came from, Mad- Eye!"_

As the shout of Mad-eye's discovery echoed around the house, Remus and Tonks ran down the lane laughing.


End file.
